I am getting married in ONE MONTH and I am terrified!
Okay…terrified might be a little too strong of a word but still knowing that I will be a married man in a few more weeks is not a thought to take lightly.
I am usually the guy who tries to make a monumental moment out of everything. For example, I was the guy on the first day of senior year of college to say, “This is the last first day of school”, or I would celebrate December 13, 2014 only because the dates made up 12.13.14. Yesterday I even told my fiancé that this is my last, first of the month to prepare to be a husband without being a husband.
In one month I will be marrying the love of my life. 1 month. 31 days. 4 weeks! *insert wide eyed emoji* This is very monumental.
I have no doubt that this is the best life decision I will ever make and I am extremely excited for our union and life together. I believe that there is a huge cultural pressure to go to college, find “the one”, marry “the one”, make a six-figure salary, have 2.4 children, then retire at 67 ½ and travel the world. If there is any nonconformity to this track, then there is misery, unhappiness, and fear. I remember receiving a letter from my dad during my senior year of college when I decided to take a gap year after graduation stating that my priorities were misaligned. Almost 4 years later from receiving that letter, I am marrying the same woman I was with at that time. Do I regret waiting? No. If anything, during that time I was able to learn more about myself and my future wife that I would not have been able to as a married couple. Nevertheless, where I have peace about marriage, I also have a fair amount of fear.
There are a few reasons of why I am afraid.
I know the statistics. I know that as the child of divorced parents, the chances of my marriage ending in divorce increases.
I know that as a black man, not only do I have an increased risk of being imprisoned during my marriage but the chances of my marriage ending in divorce also increases.
And I am fully aware that even as a Christian in America, the chances of my marriage ending in divorce are no different than if I were not.
Amanda and I are a very educated couple and because of that, we are both bringing a fair amount of debt into marriage. Money problems are the number one reason for divorce.
In fact, if life were simply a game of statistics then I am already losing at marriage before I even begin.
My biggest reason of fear before entering marriage is without a doubt figuring out how to love my future wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. What does that even mean? How can I even begin to live up to that example? The pressure of ultimate responsibility with respect to the household will be on my shoulders. The pressure to present my future wife without a spot or wrinkle or any such thing. The pressure to lead in a way that I have never led nor learned how to lead.
I have never been a husband. I love both of my parents but I know that I am negatively affected by not growing up in a two-parent household. My mom did her best to raise my siblings and I, and I am sure she enjoyed being celebrated for both Mother’s and Father’s Day, but there is something about a Father-Son relationship that cannot be replaced, as well as lessons from that relationship that should be learned.
Again, I have never been married so I have no intention of providing marital advice or act as if I know everything there is to know about relationships in general. I do know; however, that I need help and that I am willing to admit it.
I also know that there are not a lot of men who talk and share about their relationships in a way that encourages and inspires other men.
I am still learning how to write, blog, and manage a website but my hope is to create a space where we (men, women, couples, the curious) can come together and share wins, failures, lessons, and encouragements.
Whether you are married, single, or dating, what are your fears about marriage?
Tags: black love, Christianity, divorce, engaged, Jesus, marriage, mentorship, relationships
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