The Most Important Thing I Have Learned After 6 Months of Marriage
A few months ago, my wife and I went to go see Avengers: Infinity War and were crushed by the ending of the movie. My wife, Amanda, who has a difficult time separating film from reality was so distraught by the ending that we went straight home to pray and repent in anticipation of the rapture. The next day, I went to a website that determines if will join those slain by the snapocalypse or if I was one of the survivors to live to fight another day with the remaining Avengers. Thankfully, I was one of the 50% of the world that was spared even though I will be of little help to the Avengers unless they need an official photographer.
Although these events were not real, surviving the snapocalypse led me to think about the kind of husband I was. Yes, I know that I had only a few weeks into marriage at the time but impact is not measured in terms of time.
Fast forward to today, October 1st 2018 and I have now been married for 6 months. I was recently asked what my biggest lesson. I’ve learned thus far is. The easy answer would be over communicating, or being present, or even learning to live with the opposite sex.
Truthfully, the biggest lesson I have learned in 6 months of marriage is learning is how to be ONE.
Something that our wedding officiant reminded us of is that we are now ONE. And if you know me, you know that I am a thinker and I try to not accept terms or ideas at face value but often question ‘why’ and ‘how’.
Through premarital counseling, personal belief, and conversations with couples we look up to, the idea of “being ONE” was thrown around a lot.
So what does it mean for Amanda and I to be ONE after 6 months of marriage?
Currently we are in the process of combining our bank accounts, joining insurances and cell phone plans, continuing the name change process, and figuring out which side of the family will be graced with our presence on Thanksgiving and Christmas. But even these things have nothing to do with being ONE spiritually.
To me, being ONE isn’t about the things we do to show that we are together, but being ONE is about mentally, spiritually, and emotionally operating as one unit…one team.
One of our relationship and wedding hashtags was #TeammatesForever and this is a true sentiment. From our wedding day forward, I am not going anywhere and neither is my wife. We are together forever. I have someone who will fight for me and with me, someone to encourage and be encouraged by, laugh at my hilarious jokes while I laugh at her goofiness, someone to practice patience and forgiveness with while we plan, learn, explore, serve, and love together.
Being ONE means letting go of my expectations for her needs. Why? Because her needs are also my needs because we are ONE complete unit. She is not my ‘other half’ because neither of us are halves. We are two ‘wholes’ that have emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and financially become one new whole.
I am not admitting that Amanda and I are marital experts. I am still trying to figure out if I am supposed to take off my ring or leave it on when I take a shower and she is still learning that she cannot take up the whole bed when she goes to sleep…
We do admit that there is a lot for us to learn and are willing to learn (and discern) from other couples.
Wherever you are in your marriage journey, single, newly married, or have decades of experience, what does being ONE mean to you?
Our Wedding Video from DanielKa Video on Vimeo.
Tags: becoming one, black love, Christian Marriage, marriage, relationships